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It really is hard to start a testimony that seems like it is on-going for me. However if I were to start my Christian journey I would have to say I started pondering about life, death and all in-between on May 8th 2006. The day I listened on my police radio, hearing two fellow law enforcement officers killed in the line of duty. Looking back it almost seems like it was a long time ago, then other days it was like it was yesterday.
The funeral services for Vicky O. Armel and Michael Garbarino were held at Mclean Bible Church and this was my first major exposure to how Christ can change people. Up until this point my life had gone through a couple of what I consider life altering situations. The first was the passing of my father’s mother, my “Nana”. She and I were very close and at one point due to my father being stationed overseas we lived with Nana for a period of a year. She passed and I was there with her at her side in the hospital along with other family members as she left this world. The second was the divorce from my wife. This incident left me very angry, upset and mad at the world. I was the guy who always said I would never get divorced, and yet here I was.
All of these internal struggles fought within me. Being a “real man” in my world meant not show emotions, holding things inside and “taking it like a man”. I have to admit looking back not only was this foolish, but caused me more harm than good. I knew I needed a change of pace, a way to find peace with the world and myself. I found this peace through our savior Jesus Christ.
I started attending Mclean Bible Church mostly for my own curiosity, wondering what it could be that makes this the “right place”. I’ve read up on eastern philosophy, and thought that is where happiness lies, however I still could not rid myself of the deep hatred that rested deep in my soul. After attending services for a few weeks I figured I better learn about what it is exactly being a Christian is. I immediately signed up for Christianity 101 then 201, 301 and so on. I felt perhaps if I grew my knowledge in this subject it would make me understand. It did not. I ended up joining a small group and that’s where I knew I had found something solid, hitting the nail on the head so to speak. It was here on my first day with a group of guys that seemed “normal” average guys, guys I’d consider hanging out with. Decent personalities and very good natured over all. No doubt looking back I can see God placed me there for a reason.
The first topic of study I walked in on was sexual purity. WOW. Up until this point I’ve satisfied my anger for the world and discontent through my relations with women. Something hit me like a ton of bricks. Like that little angel on your shoulder going, “see, I told you that wouldn’t work”. So after hearing a few guys in the small group share their testimony and seeing how powerful God moved them, I decided ok, if I’m going to do this, I’m jumping in with both feet. So I did, literally. I was baptized shortly after joining the group and totally gave my soul to God. Now I wanted to learn, however unlike last time where I didn’t really understand, I learned that after receiving Christ as my savior, the power of the Holy Spirit would help guide me and assist in understanding exactly what was going on.
It was doing this small group that I met Shannon, a rather emotional guy, with a very strong love of God. At first I thought, gee, don’t make me like him (remember “men” don’t show emotion). It was later I learned that Shannon WAS on the right path and that all men should be as brave to have that kind of passion and love of God in their life. As a matter of fact it was Shannon that I called the first time I prayed openly and started bawling my eyes out. I just had to find out what the hell happened. Shannon knew and understood exactly what happened.
Shannon’s ministry, Rekindling, really had an in-depth program that really had me learning more about the bible and what God does for us every moment we are alive, and what we should be doing for him. I learned through the many lectures and classes that I have a specific path to follow, and that God was telling me this path all along. I just wasn’t answering the phone apparently. As a matter of fact I think he even left a few messages that I never checked. Anyways it was Rekindling that showed me that up until this point, in all of my choices in life, the morality of my being and just “the way I am”, God had my best interest at hand guiding me the entire time. It was my new found duty to carry a torch for God. Not just any torch, but one that would help Christians in the dark find their way, assisting however I can, on their path to God.
Looking back, doing things God’s way as opposed to my way has actually done so much for me. It helped me escape the evil, angry thoughts of my divorce. Gave me peace enough to actually call my ex and apologize to her that I was NOT the man I should have been and just wanted to ask forgiveness (not even expecting it) and to forgive myself for everything that happened so I could let it go. I was able to find gainful over-time at work which led to paying off my $35,000 Dollars in debt that I was in as a result of the divorce. He gave me strength when I needed it most and peace when it was time. I can’t thank God, Mclean Bible, and people like Shannon and his ministry Rekindling enough for what they have taught me, and how it has shaped me. Today I stand a better man, a warrior for Christ ready to do his bidding at the front of the line. "
Carl “JR” H.